Update 4 of 4
by VirendraLione
Summary: Roy and Moss come in to work one Monday morning to find a new desk in the IT department. They soon learn that its appearance may have something to do with Denholm's newest declaration of war, but they are still understandably anxious at meeting the newest member of their little group. Rated T for Safety. Hope you like it!
1. Imminent

_Disclaimer:__ I do not own the IT crowd (I don't even own a copy of the DVDS yet :( ) or any of the recognisable characters I may use or mention in this fanfic. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement. _

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**Update 4 of 4.**

_**There is a new desk in the IT Department one Monday morning and everyone is understandably anxious to meet whomsoever it belongs to. Moss is terrified, Roy isn't far off and Jen, well, Jen is filling her head with prospects of time spent with the new arrival. If it's a man (and somewhat normal) she will spend lunches with him, discussing business and possibly romance. If it is a woman she will suggest shopping trips and gas about the latest 'Sex and the City' episode. Will this new arrival live up to their fears and expectations or surprise them all?**_

**Imminent.**

Roy disembarked the lift with a yawn and made his way down the corridor towards the IT Department. He sidled past a trolley cage of broken electronics that Jen had made Moss and himself sort out, ready for disposal, and stepped over a never yet wetted mop bucket. He was still in a stalemate with Jen about that; she didn't want to mop the floors and he didn't want to do it either. They _had_ joined forces then and attempted to get Moss to do it, but after the bespectacled and plaid shirt clad nerd had spent a whole hour trying to work out which end of the mop to hold (something that Roy suspected was a pantomime of mock idiocy) the bucket had remained unsullied and had been conveniently placed out of sight and out of mind.

Before Roy could reach the door to the posters and paraphernalia collection that was the basement office, he was confronted by a frantic Moss who wasted no time in clawing at Roy's lapels and clinging to him as if he might collapse if the Irishman withdrew such support. The action panicked Roy and his concern grew as he looked down at his colleague, all at once noting that he had yet to remove his duffle coat and back pack.

'Roy! Roy!' Moss began in his familiar nasal tone, casting a cautionary glance over his shoulder, 'There's something wrong! Something very, very, motherflipping wrong!'

'Woah! Calm down, Moss. It's a bit too early for that sort of language, don't you think?'

Moss released his friend and co-worker, but did not lose his fretful air. In fact, he sidestepped and rounded Roy, coming to a cowering halt behind him.

'I'm sorry, Roy, but I just don't know what else to do!'

'What is it? What's wrong?'

Moss raised an arm towards the office door, doing his best impression of 'the ghost of Christmas yet to come'. Roy started forwards in trepidation, his gaze flitting around the corridor for something he might use as a weapon if it came to it. His focus fell upon the trolley cage and he outstretched a hand, grabbing the first thing he could and rounded the door jamb with all bravado he could muster.

'Aha!'

But there was no one there. No one to see his courage. No one to jump at his sudden appearance in the doorway. No one to cower menacingly at the wire coiled around his knuckles or the spinning mouse on the other end of it.

Realising that an attack was not imminent, Roy relinquished his weapon of choice in exasperation. It hit the surface of Moss' desk with a plastic crunch.

'Do you see it?' piped up a voice from the hall way.

Roy heaved a sigh, gave a shake of his head and placed his hands on his hips, 'See what, Moss? There's no one here.'

Moss' three quarters of an afro swung round the frame, 'Of course there's no one here. It's only just gone nine am and you know that Jen is alwa-'

'Moss!' Roy screeched, fast becoming annoyed with his colleague. He loved Moss and there was no one in the world quite like him, but sometimes talking to the man was like wading through a quagmire whilst giving a piggy back to an elephant and, if he was being totally honest, it was far too early to be dealing with his best friend's quirks.

'Why don't you come and show me what's wrong?' Roy coaxed, watching as Moss straightened and took a few tentative steps into the room. He then made a vague swipe to his left, causing Roy to fold his arms and shrug his shoulders in miscomprehension. There was another half-hearted wave and another shrug. After the third attempt at making his best friend understand, Moss loss his composure and slammed his palm down on the surface beneath it.

Roy's brow furrowed at the sound, listening as it reverberated in the air around him for a few moments. His gaze then shot to the surface Moss had struck.

It was a desk, new and not belonging. It sat perfectly parallel to his own and an equal space away from the end of Moss' desk as his was on the opposite end. Only, this desk was obviously a flat pack from Ekea or something and unlike Moss' desk which had a dark mahogany veneer, and his own which was old and metallic, this one was white melamine, gleaming, dust-free and uncluttered. A desktop computer monitor held pride of place upon the untouched surface and even this looked as if it may have just, only this second, been taken from its packaging. His gaze shifted downwards and a matching CPU poked out from beneath the desk, wires trailing to the relevant power supplies. To the left of the monitor sat a telephone in a matt black hue, standing out against its snowy perch. This too appeared to have been connected up already.

'Oh that.' Roy stated off-handedly, 'Of course I saw that.'

'Then why aren't you worried?' cried Moss who had retreated to the chair behind his own desk and was simultaneously bathing his palm in Perfarell hand sanitiser and massaging it against the imminent bruising.

'Why should I be worried?' came Roy's reply as he crossed nonchalantly to his desk. He sat in the chair and shrugged off his jacket, taking comfort in the start-up music for his work PC as he thumbed the button. He spared his friend and colleague a glance only to find the man staring at him incredulously.

'New desks, mean new people and new people mean first impressions and, if the new people don't like my first impressions then begins the daily taunting and the ridicule and the ignoring me and the picking me last for teams and not letting me sit at your table at lunch and the-'

'Moss! Moss! Slow down before you hurt yourself.' Roy placated, holding up his hands in a calming gesture and stopping the nerd in mid-sentence, 'Where's your inhaler?'

Moss rummaged around in a drawer for a moment or two before pulling out a small blue asthma pump and taking a couple of breaths.

Once he was sure that Moss was suitably calmed, Roy continued.

'Now, this isn't Secondary School, Moss; none of that stuff happens in the workplace.'

A raised eyebrow from behind glasses stopped him a moment. He rolled his eyes in response.

'Not every day anyway. So there's nothing to worry about. And besides, Jen was a new person not so long ago wasn't she?'

Roy paused. Moss gave a reluctant nod.

'Right. And we all get along with her now, don't we?'

The Irishman took a silent breath, hoping Moss wasn't going to fixate on how they had tried to get the red-head fired on her first day with Reynholm Industries. Luckily, Moss' only response was a bob of his head.

'Right. So, trust me, there's nothing to worry about.'

Moss gave a thoughtful nod and, though he still looked a little shaken, turned his focus to his own desk and busied himself with his computer.

Roy, on the other hand, was finding it difficult to take his own advice. The truth was that he _was _worried at the prospect of a new team member; he had only just gotten used to Jen being a part of their little group and, even then, there was no threat to him really since she didn't have the first clue about computers. But, what if the new person was a student? Someone dynamic and trendy and who not only had the know-how but also the little piece of paper to back it up? What if the newcomer was a good-looking guy and he and Jen started dating and Roy had to spend all day, every day watching them constantly fawn over each other?

He suppressed a shudder and resolved to check with the relationship manager (when she finally did decide to grace them with her presence, that was) if she knew anything about the new desk and its sudden appearance in their midst.

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_**Well, I hope that finds you suitably intrigued. I'm not sure exactly where I am going with it, but I just had to write it after re-watching some of 'The IT Crowd' on TV the other day. I am always glad to hear what people think of my writing so any reviews would be very much appreciated. Anyway, I hope you like this. Sorry if you didn't, but thanks for reading anyway! **_


	2. Initialising

_**Ok so here is chapter two. It's a bit of a filler this one, but hey this means that you'll get to meet the new IT employee in the next chapter. I hop you enjoy reading this anyway and I hope to have another chapter up soon. Thanks for clicking on my story!**_

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**Update 4 of 4**

**Chapter Two: Initialising.**

When Jen finally strolled into the office at twenty to ten, the heads of her co-workers snapped upwards to the doorway in silent synchrony. Although, upon seeing her, they appeared to relax a little. Jen's brow still furrowed however, when Moss refrained from offering his usually cheerful greeting of 'Hi Jen!' and Roy seemed content to stare blankly at his computer screen typing at a rate of about three words per minute.

'Um…Morning guys.'

Jen gave an exaggerated wave with the hand not clutching at a 'to-go' designer coffee cup. The two men looked up in unison again and she fought back the urge to shudder; this was fast becoming creepy. Maybe this was some kind of a prank, something that they had thought up after Roy had made them watch that horror film a few days ago. Jen wracked her brain for the name of it, but found that she couldn't remember.

_Must have been a good film, then_. She found herself thinking, bitterly.

Tuning her attention back to her colleagues she swung her arms out to her sides and frowned again.

'What?' she asked, eventually, after a few agonising moments of silence and blank expressions from the two standard nerds in her vicinity.

'The desk, Jen! The desk!' Moss shouted, rising from his chair and pointing at the melamine monstrosity.

The red-headed relationship manager hid her surprise in a sip of coffee and took the opportunity to study it as she swallowed a mouthful of her skinny latte thoughtfully.

'What about it, Moss?' came her eventual response as she disappeared into her office to rid herself of her coat and handbag.

'Wait…'

Jen rolled her eyes and appeared in the doorway at Roy's contribution to the conversation, arms folded, coffee cup absent.

'Are you saying you know about this?'

'Of course, I know about this!' the woman laughed, 'What sort of a relationship manager would I be if I didn't know about it?'

'So what is it, then?' Roy probed, fixing Jen with an accusatory glare.

The red head raised an eye brow, cracked a smug smile, 'It's a desk, Roy.'

'Very funny.'

'But what does it mean, Jen? What does it mean?' Moss wailed suddenly, startling his two colleagues.

Jen took a breath and shook her head, 'Look, Moss, it's just a desk. That's all. It proba-'

Roy quirked an eyebrow. Jen checked herself and continued.

'_It means_ we're going to have a new member of the department. They will most li- They _will_ be starting at some point today.'

It was Jen and Roy's turn to synchronise their movements then, as their collective attention was drawn to Moss as he wheezed frantically on his inhaler.

'Calm down, Moss.' Jen implored, crossing to him and rubbing his back comfortingly, 'Please. Everything is going to be alright.'

'I wouldn't be too sure about that, Jen.' came Roy's Irish lilt from behind his monitor.

She was about to ask what he meant when it suddenly dawned on her.

'Denholm has called a meeting, hasn't he?'

'Denholm has called a meeting.'

* * *

'I bet he's declaring war on something.' Roy surmised sullenly from his chair in front of Denholm Reynholm's desk.

The chair on the opposite side of the bureau sat unoccupied and the entire IT department regarded it with a mixture of fear, disdain and chagrin.

'Nah,' Jen thought aloud, giving a knowing shake of her head, 'he'd announce that more publicly; this must be something to do with the new desk.'

'Oh, but I thought you knew all about that already.' Roy shot her a smug sideways smile and was readying himself for the rebuttal when the door behind them clicked off its latches.

Immediately, the assembled nerds (and their relationship manager) straightened in their seats as an excited yet stern-faced Denholm blustered into the office.

'IT department!' he commanded, rounding the desk and raising his left foot to rest upon its surface. Denholm leaned forward, his right forearm resting, in turn, on his knee.

'Listen up! I'm declaring war!'

Roy nudged the ribs of the red head next to him with his elbow. She shot him a ridiculing glare, but this was soon replaced by a bewildered expression which she then turned towards Moss on her opposite side. He had also nudged her and he didn't exactly know why except that he had seen Roy do it. Moss gave a shrug of his shoulders in innocent miscomprehension when his colleagues began to stare at him with furrowed brows.

Denholm, oblivious to this little non-verbal exchange, continued.

'I'm declaring war on sexism!' he announced, all-at-once drawing the attention of people in the plastic seats opposite.

Moss looked suddenly panicked, 'But, Mr Reynholm sir, we're not sexist.' He piped up, anticipating the words 'you're' and 'fired' from his boss.

Denholm laughed, waving away the nonsensical notion, 'Of course, you're not sexist; you're nerds. And Jen can't be sexist; she's a woman!'

The IT department stole a moment to exchange bewildered looks between themselves, along with inward avowals of '_What is this guy going on about?'_

The CEO then straightened, removed his foot from the desk and perched himself on the empty chair. He clasped his hands and leaned forwards on his boney elbows.

'You see, it has recently been pointed out to me that, in some departments, there are more men than women and, in others, more women than men. So, I have decided to even the numbers out a bit.'

Jen's eyes widened at this and she leant forwards a little, 'Wait…you're not firing anybody, are you?' she asked, concern weaving around each syllable.

She was fairly sure that, if Denholm was firing anybody in relation to his latest crusade, it wouldn't be her, given that she was the sole representative of the female gender in the basement office. However, she still felt that, as relationship manager, it was her responsibility to ask. After all, she had just managed to get the office looking half decent and had just about gotten to the stage with Roy and Moss that somewhat resembled friendship (you know, they weren't her_ friend_ friends and she wasn't about to invite them round to her home or anything, but she would miss them if they were gone).

'Ha Ha! Jen! You do make me laugh! No, I'm not firing anybody! Well, not anybody from your department, anyway. In fact-' Denholm fell silent a moment, his tiny dark eyes glinting with pride. He rose from his seat, suddenly, holding high a pointed forefinger as if he were about to announce the solution to world hunger, '-you're going to have a new employee starting in your department after lunch!'

A silence descended on the room and hung in the air for a few moments. It was not a silence of shock and nor was it one of complete horror (although the colour did seem to drain a little from Moss' face). No, it was more like thoughtful anticipation.

Jen didn't even have to ask whether the newest member of their group would be male or female (the point effectively rendered moot by Denholm's previous explanation) and so her thoughts automatically sprung to days when she might be free to go shopping with her new female co-worker or when they might be able to convince the boys to cover them for a couple of hours whilst they went and got their nails done. They could go for lunches. Proper lunches. With wine, where they would discuss the latest antics of their male colleagues with affectionate ridicule:

'_I heard from Lucy on eighth that Roy asked her out on a date the other day.'_

'_That's nothing; I walked in this morning to find Moss trying to build an animatronic raccoon.'_

They would share the sort of laughter that only girl friends could and this would make them look normal and happy and fun and, by the end of the lunch, they'd have accumulated more than a handful of potential admirers. But she would be married or simply not looking for a relationship; more than happy to step aside and allow Jen her pick of the bunch. They would get on like a house on fire and the IT department would thrive, soon becoming the most productive sector of Reynholm Industries.

Jen glanced sideways to Roy and realised that he too must have put two and two together; he was half grinning, staring dreamily at the wall behind Denholm's head. She even thought he might have sighed at some point.

Roy's mind began to wander at the conclusion that the new IT employee would be a woman. He imagined a blonde, good height, thin but not sickly so. She would glide in through the department door on pretty heels wearing a smart pinstripe skirt and teal designer shirt which complimented her figure perfectly. Her sun-kissed skin would shimmer beneath the gaseous fluorescent light. She would notice him first of all, cross to his desk and ask him if she was in the right department. He would say something smart, possibly put on that posh tone of voice, reference Tolstoy, Locke, Dickens, Austen. This would impress and she would want to know more. She'd be interesting, well-travelled, cultured. They could teach each other; she'd show him the perfect method of preparing a Thai green curry and he could show her the secret levels in '_Abe's Odyssey' _(a game she would appreciate for the title character's noble intentions, although she would grimace and wince, without fail, at the gore). She'd prove herself a valuable member of the team, getting on with Jen and eventually working out how to talk to Moss. And, when there was no threat of her quitting or being fired, he'd ask her out on a date and she would say yes, possibly adding something along the lines of 'I thought you'd never ask'. He'd take her somewhere nice and they'd have a great time. He would be the perfect gentleman and, in the end, when they are sat in the taxi outside her apartment building she'd ask him in for a coffee.

'Is this going to be a problem?' Denholm interrogated after growing tired of the silence.

He cracked a smile when the red head and the Irishman both chimed in the negative in unison. The bespectacled man gave a slow shake of his head when he turned his attention to him, but Denholm figured it was as good a result as he could expect.

He laughed, 'Good, good. In that case, I'll let you IT guys get back to work.'

Jen, Roy and Moss all rose from their seats and headed for the door at this none too subtle signal to leave. Moss half-registered Denholm mumble something about sending in the marketing guys, but no sooner had he and his co-workers left the office were they lost in a sea of black and grey suits. Moss noticed that most of the stampede were men and reckoned that most of them were probably going to leave Denholm's office jobless.

He thumbed at the lift button and waited with his colleagues for it to arrive at the floor they were on. Just as the lift arrived and opened its doors with the chime of a bell, Moss heard the clicking shut of Denholm's office door and, once again, the declaration of war from the head of Reynholm Industries.

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**_Sorry if that was a boring chapter. Like I said, I just had to fill in a few bits so that everything makes sense when I finally introduce the new member of the IT Crowd. Anyway, a review or two would be nice for this fic. (You can call it a late xmas gift or, for that matter, an early birthday present). But hey, so long as you are reading and enjoying it, I can live with no reviews, I guess :)_**


	3. Pending

**Update 4 of 4**

**Chapter Three: Pending.**

'You can do this.'

She tried her hardest to keep the tremor from her voice but failed miserably and this caused a frustrated sigh to escape her lips. She deflated, allowing her bodyweight to shift forwards and rest on her straightened arms. Her palms were flat against the counter top either side of the bespoke oval basin. She took a moment and a breath, savouring the sting of cold marble beneath her fingertips. It was grounding. It was familiar. It reminded her of the countertops in her last workplace, the way it felt when she caught her wrist or forearm whilst handing a cup of coffee to a customer.

Her eyelids slid open, having closed to steel her resolve. Her fingers twitched beneath her scrutiny. The nail varnish was chipped already. Why had she even bothered? In fact, why was she bothering with any of this? Hadn't she been happy at her old job? At '_Tres Bean'_? Why hadn't she just told the man with the moustache that she wasn't looking for another job? After all, all she had done was sort out a minor issue with the till. How that qualified her for a job in the IT department of a major, multi-billion pound company, was anybody's guess.

She inhaled deeply, fixed her own gaze in the mirror, chose to ignore the way the eyeliner had smudged somewhat around her azure eyes, or the way that her skin was still shiny under the light of the humming tubes above her head, even despite the fact that she had applied a copious amount of matte look foundation. She deliberated for a moment, turned the tap on, dowsed her face in the soft, fast flowing bubbles and rid her pores of the offensive orangey powder with a paper hand towel.

This small action was enough to make her feel at least a little more like herself again. She then raised a trembling fore finger to her eyes, first her right and then her left. Two small, soft plastic, half-bubbles fell into the sink and were suitably washed away with another twist of the tap.

Her face was gone from the mirror suddenly as she knelt, digging around in the satchel bag at her feet. She rose again, rubbing the lenses of a pair of '_SightsSavers_' own brand glasses on the hem of her white shirt, before placing them gently atop the bridge of her nose.

She found herself smiling when she looked herself in the mirror again.

'Normality has been restored.' She giggled, stopping herself when she realised there was no one around to hear the little joke. Not that she reckoned anyone would get it if they did.

Just then the door to the unisex toilets swung inwards. A well-dressed man eyed her dubiously as he bustled his way past her towards a cubicle. She attempted a smile in greeting but was afforded only a scowl in response.

With a heavy heart and a somersaulting stomach, she gathered up her bag and left the toilets, praying to the gods that she would not be working too closely with the scowling man. In fact, she hoped that she would be as far away from him as was humanly possible; today was going to be hard enough without having to deal with people like that.

* * *

'I'm back!' Jen chimed, waltzing into the office, a bouffant bouquet of flowers in her arms. Moss stared at her for a moment, trying to remember if he had accidentally 'killed' his relationship manager again. After realising he hadn't said anything to that effect today, he settled for a nod in greeting.

'What are those for?' he asked (after all, it didn't hurt to double check).

'They're for our new team member.' The red head replied, placing the colourful bunch on the pristine desk, 'She's not here yet, is she?'

Moss shook his head, 'Lunch is not over yet.'

Any other day, Jen would have corrected Moss' pedanticism, but not today. No, she still had so much to do before the new IT consultant arrived and she was rapidly running out of time.

'Where's Roy?' Jen queried, heading towards her office.

'I'm in here!' The Irishman called from the break room.

'Oh good. Hey, while you're in there, could you bring through something to put the flowers in?'

'Um…ok.'

The din of clinking crockery and the opening and closing of kitchen cabinets followed the uncertain acquiesce and a moment or so later Roy shuffled from the break room carrying a long-forgotten cafetiere.

Jen burst into laughter at the sight. In place of his usual geeky t-shirt, the Irishman was wearing a frilled satin affair which seemed to shift in colour from burgundy to black as he moved.

'What…are you…wearing?' Jen managed, fighting for breath.

Roy shifted beneath the woman's mocking gaze, but affected confidence as he placed the cafetiere on the desk beside the flowers.

'I borrowed it from Richmond. I thought it would make a better first impression.'

'Sure, sure.' Jen's laughter petered and she looked serious for a second or two, fiddling with the plastic wrapped blooms in front of her. She stifled a snigger, but found herself failing, 'If the first impression you want to give is that you were an extra in an Austin Powers movie.'

Roy looked suddenly crestfallen, 'You never said that to Richmond when he wore it!'

'Yes, but on him it looks normal.'

Moss raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak. Jen beat him to it.

'You know what I mean. Besides, it doesn't really matter what you wear, Roy; she's not going to go out with you…' Jen let her voice trail off as she finished arranging the flowers. She then wrote out the little card that had come with the bouquet and leant it up against the base of the makeshift vase.

'She's going to be too busy being my best friend.' With this and a nod in self-satisfaction, Jen pivoted and disappeared into her office. Her head appeared around the door frame a second or so later as if she had forgotten to say something. Instead, she merely looked Roy up and down and began her guffawing once again.

Roy snatched up the little card, reading Jen's handwriting. Usually, her script was lazy and often illegible, but it seemed that she too was eager to make a good first impression.

The card read:

_Welcome to the IT Department! _

_Looking forward to working with you! _

_From _

_Jen, Roy and Moss _

_(But mostly Jen!) xx_

'Can you believe her?' Roy seethed.

'No, Roy. I can't.' His best friend replied, looking up from his monitor.

'Just because I want to get off on the right foot with my- err _our _new colleague, doesn't mean I want to go out with her.'

'It most certainly does not.'

'She might not even be my type.'

'But I thought Denholm said she was a woman?'

Roy was too lost in his thoughts to have heard Moss' last comment. It had dawned on him suddenly that perhaps, instead of employing someone new to join their team, Denholm might have just sought to redistribute an existing Reynholm Industries employee. If that were the case, then there was probably a slim chance of his new colleague saying yes to a date with him. Ever since the fiasco with the chocolate, his name had been accompanied by sniggers and giggles throughout the female population of Reynholm Industries. True, this was all dying down now and he was slowing returning to anonymity, but there was still a chance that this girl had heard the story and that would surely lead to little more than stifled sniggering at his expense.

Even more terrifying than the thought of a pretty woman who didn't want to date him was, indeed, the prospect of an unattractive woman who did. He fought hard the urge to shudder as he recalled the orange jump suit clad Judy to whom he had accidentally given his mobile number. Though, he was sure that Judy was probably a lovely person to work with once you got to know her (after all, everyone on fifth was still very much alive), he didn't quite fancy the prospect of trying to rebuff her advances while knowing that she could very possibly break his arm with a flick of her wrist.

Roy heaved a sigh and started off towards the red door.

'Where are you going?' Moss called after him.

The Irishman rounded his desk, pocketed the flower card and fiddled with his top shirt button.

'I'm going to change my shirt.'

Moss stared after Roy, incredulously. In his opinion, he didn't think Richmond's shirt looked that bad on Roy; it made him look a bit like the men on the covers of the books his mum sometimes liked to read (minus the long windswept locks and purposefully exposed six-pack, that is) and they were always pictured with their arms around women. If that look could work for them, why not for Roy?

The shrill ringing of his work phone invaded Moss' train of thought. He picked up the handset with a slight shake of his head and pressed it to his ear.

'IT Department. How can I help?' He greeted spritely, momentarily forgetting about any looming disruptions to the delicate ecosystem that was the basement office.

* * *

_**YAY! I finally have a review to this fic! I thought it was never going to happen. Thanks to SeraphineWhist for the review, you have really made my day. Anyway, I hope that chapter was ok. It took a long time to write and I'm not really sure about the whole shirt thing. But hey, next chapter will be better since someone actually gets to meet the new member of staff! **_


	4. Configuring

**Update 4 of 4.**

**Chapter Four: Configuring.**

'Get out of the lift. Get out of the lift. Get out of the lift.'

'Alright, you robotic bossy boots!' Moss chided, stepping out onto the 22nd floor.

No sooner had he cleared the sensor, did the doors whoosh shut and the lift hurtle back down to floor 15. The elevator's impatience was nothing new to Moss and he quickly forgot about the abrupt tone of voice and made his way through to the offices he had been sent to.

He had only taken a few steps when he realised something amiss. He had been on floor 22 before, but it had never been so silent. There was no murmur of voices, no _clack, clack, clack _of keyboards and no trill of telephones: An odd occurrence for the floor that should have housed Communications and Sales.

Furrowing his brow a little, Moss started off down the corridor to his left, investigating the offices and rooms in that direction. There was no one to be found. Moss felt his heartbeat quicken and he dug in his trouser pocket for an inhaler. Before he could find one, however, his concentration was broken by a sudden verbal expletive ringing out through the empty department.

Moss fought hard the urge to retreat to the basement and as soon as he was able to get his legs moving again, he slowly and carefully stole back past the elevator. He soon came face to face with the door that lead to the largest office space on the entire floor. The door was slightly ajar and afforded him only a three inch wide view of the office wall, but he could hear shuffling sounds coming from within.

The nerd outstretched a hand, placed fingertips to the white painted wood and pushed gently. The portal wheezed inwards and Moss waited a moment before entering the room, certain that if there were anything within wishing to do him harm, the door would have just given him away.

After he was certain that he was safe (at least for the time being), Moss took a tentative step over the threshold.

The room was large, easily twice the size of the basement office, and occupied by a mass of grey desks and office chairs. Each desk was shaped like a quarter circle and each quarter had been pushed against three others to make a whole. From the centre of the join and among the seams of the conjoined tables were clipped high dividers, theoretically allowing each occupant a semi-private area from which to work. Some of these desks had computers and telephones on them, but most did not. Moss counted about seven full circles in all, with a few halves pushed against each wall. All except for the wall opposite the door which was, in fact, not a wall at all, but rather a gigantic floor-to-ceiling window looking out over the city.

Unable to see anyone else in the room, Moss bent double, craning his neck and following the rustling noise that had drawn him there. He soon found their origin.

Beneath once of the desks nearest to the window wall, was a woman on her hands and knees. She was facing away from him and, judging by her actions, was having considerable trouble with her computer. Moss watched in silence for a few seconds as the woman repeatedly unplugged wires from a nearby CPU, plugged them back in again and then thumbed at the power button on the console, groaning or sighing or swearing when the computer refused to turn on.

Moss cleared his throat.

'Give me a sec.' came the woman's response and although she did not look up from her job, she removed her right hand from the tangle of cords momentarily in something of a half-hearted wave.

Moss found himself shifting a little as he waited and waited and waited. After a while, he feared that the woman may have forgotten he was there at all and wracked his brain for an 'ice-breaker'.

It was a term that he had only learned recently, something Roy had tried to teach him when last they ventured out into the big wide world after dark. They had gone out for drinks because Jen was on a date and Roy had set out to prove that he was just as capable as her at finding a date that he didn't work with (Or something like that, anyway; Moss had tuned out once Jen and Roy started arguing about it and had turned his attention to cleaning the dust off his computer fan, instead).

The place had been largely devoid of women, but Roy had caught him looking at a petite blonde at the other end of the bar. After much coaxing and convincing, Moss had finally gone over to talk to her. He had followed Roy's instructions to the 'T', but still came away with a sore cheek and a bruised ego. Apparently, his mistake had been asking her why the hair on her upper lip wasn't the same colour as the hair on her head. Needless to say, the standard nerds had left the bar dateless. Unless, of course, you counted the bouncers who escorted them off the premises.

Moss cleared his throat again, receiving another wave from the woman, although this one seemed notably more frustrated.

'I'll be done in a minute.' She breathed, wrenching a blue wire from the tower and securing it between her teeth.

The bespectacled nerd bit back his inhibitions and took his chance.

'Nice view from up here.'

The woman froze. The blue wire clattered to the carpet. Within a second she had sat back on her haunches, twisted and was now facing him. A bewildered scowl crossed her features as she met his gaze from the floor. He towered above her but the look she was currently directing at him made him feel about two inches tall.

'What did you say?' she asked, a tone of mock innocence encircling the syllables.

Moss shifted beneath her glower, 'Um…I said…Nice view from up…here.'

She was on her feet in a heartbeat, straight-backed, arms folded defensively.

'And just what did you mean by that?'

Moss' gaze found the grey carpet squares, avoiding the strange woman's piercing blue gaze. He flicked his right wrist in the direction of the window, watching the woman's sensible dolly shoes as she pivoted to look where he was pointing.

Then she did something he didn't expect: she laughed.

Taken aback by this reaction, Moss forgot himself and looked up. The woman made a conscious effort to steady her breathing before running a hand through her short cherry black hair.

'Of course you did, sorry.' she offered, dropping her hand and holding it out to Moss in greeting, 'Hope you can forgive me, didn't mean to accuse you of anything; First day nerves and all that.'

Moss took and shook the woman's hand gingerly.

'My name is Ashlynn, by the way, but everyone just calls me Ash.'

'My name is Maurice Moss, but everyone just calls me Moss.'

'Well Moss…' Ash began releasing his hand and adjusting her glasses, 'I don't suppose you're the guy from IT, are you?'

Moss gave a nod, allowing himself a smug smile, 'I am the guy from IT.'

'Great! Don't suppose you could give me a hand here?' with this, the woman stepped aside, revealing the chaotic clash of colourful plastic cords. Moss could feel his smile fade and his eyes widen at the sight.

'Not sure what I've done, but something is definitely not right.'

She made a short scoffing sound that Moss assumed was supposed to be a laugh, but he for one, couldn't fathom what was so funny.

After a few moments of scrutiny, Moss dropped to his knees, somewhat surprised when Ash did the same and shuffled into the same position beside him.

'I see what the problem is…' He stated matter-of-factly, reaching forwards and plucking a black wire from the CPU. He handed it to Ash, 'You don't need that one; that's a HDMI cable. These monitors are still analogue video, you great ninny!'

Moss leaned forward and fiddled around with a few more wires before handing another to Ash.

'You don't need that one because this office won't be dealing with anything that requires additional audio output.'

Ash held her hand out for a thin black cord with an audio jack on one end and two foam covered ear buds on the other.

'_Those_ are headphones.'

A slightly thicker white cord with a matching plug on one end was then pressed into her hands.

'AyePhone charger. Not needed.'

There was a succession of little clicks and the snicker of cable ties being zipped tightly around the cords. Moss then pressed the power button on the CPU and the familiar start-up jingle resonated around the empty space.

Ash watched as Moss then sat back, handing her one final cord. She pinched it between finger and thumb in confusion. The wire was thin, fragile-looking and, unlike the other wires in her hands, had no connections at either end. It was a translucent red colour and didn't appear to have any internal components at all. It also smelled slightly of sugar and fruit.

'What's this?' Ash asked, holding it out to Moss.

The nerd gave a shrug of his shoulders, almost as if she had just asked the most obvious question in the universe.

'Strawberry shoelace.'

This reply saw Ash drop the offending item along with the other irrelevant cables and jump up from the floor. Once she was standing, she wiped both hands on her knee length pin-striped skirt, fervently.

'That's disgusting.' She spat with a little shudder, 'Who knows how long that's been under there!'

Moss could only stare transfixed at the strange woman's reaction. He allowed his gaze to follow her as she crossed to another desk and rifled around in a black canvas satchel bag adorned with various patches and pin-badges, none of which he could read very well from his vantage point. His heart skipped a beat when she pulled from it an ample sized bottle of Perfarell, dowsing her palms not once, but twice in the ethanol scented gel.

The unbidden image of Ash in a wedding dress appeared in his mind's eye and his mouth twitched upwards into an approving smile.

Yes, even despite her innate ability to manufacture chaos with the cables for a simple CPU, he could easily see himself marrying this woman.

* * *

**_So there you have it, Chapter Four. I hope it was ok and that I didn't disappoint. Thanks in abundance to benedictcucumberpatch and SerphineWhist for their reviews and follows and favourites etc. You guys are the best! _**

**_Anyway, the next chapter will hopefully be ready for tomorrow._**

**_Oh, and I'm not a computer whizz so if I have written something that doesn't make sense, then please correct me. I did consult search engines and the like in the interest of getting it right, but that means nothing when I can barely tell the right end of a mouse, myself. Please do correct me if I have gotten something wrong, but please do so nicely. _**

**_Thanks for reading!_**


	5. Installing

**Update 4 of 4.**

**Chapter Five: Installing.**

Moss and Ash stood in the centre of the room with arms folded, surveying their handiwork with no small amount of pride. It had taken them almost two hours, but each desk now had a computer monitor and a telephone on it, both of which were suitably connected to the relevant outlets. The room was no longer silent, but filled with the static hum and whir of electronic life.

Ash had suggested that they split the remaining desks between them and Moss had stalled for a few minutes, only agreeing to the idea after Ash had retrieved a glasses cleaning kit from her bag. She had proceeded to clean her own lenses before offering to sort Moss' out. When she was done, and Moss had placed the now spotless frames on his nose again, church bells rang in his head, drowning out any sort of argument against Ash's suggestion. He figured he could always sneak back up when no one was around and sort out any mistakes she had made afterwards.

As it turns out, Moss needn't have worried. The tangle his 'future wife' had gotten herself into, first of all, had obviously been a fluke; Upon discreetly double checking the newly set up computers on her side of the room, he had found no evidence to suggest that she didn't know what she was doing.

'I guess that's us done, then.' Ash surmised, unfolding her arms and stretching them above her head.

'I guess that's us done.' Moss parroted.

Ash crossed the room to her bag, gathered up a few items that had fallen out of it and made a move towards the door.

'Woah there!' the standard nerd called out absent-mindedly, his heartbeat quickening when the woman pivoted with a furrowed brow.

'What is it, Moss?'

'Where are you going…um…missy?' Moss pried, faltering somewhat beneath Ash's gaze.

Ash gave another one of her scoffing laughs, 'Well, I _was_ hoping that you could show me the way to the IT Department.'

It was Moss' turn to frown now, 'Why?'

'Because I work there. You remember? I said it was my first day...'

'You did say that, yes.'

'And then we spent two hours putting all this lot together…' Ash let her voice trail off and she gestured vaguely to the space around them, 'I thought you'd have worked it out.'

'The thought did cross my mind…'Moss countered, nonetheless bewildered, 'but when I came in and you were under that desk…' He paused a moment to point at the desk in question, '…you didn't seem to have the first clue about how to set up a computer.'

Ash's gaze found the floor sheepishly then and she reached a hand up to brush it through her hair.

'Ah yes…_that_. Well…sometimes, when I'm working alone and it's a repetitive task…my mind wanders. And _sometimes_, when it does, things go a bit wrong.'

Ash allowed herself a self-effacing laugh and flicked her gaze upwards to meet Moss'. He opened his mouth to speak then, but his concentration was broken by the distant monotonal command to alight from the elevator.

'Sounds like our cue to leave.' Ash chirped, swinging the satchel over her shoulder and reaching the door in a heartbeat. She swept herself over the threshold, vanishing from Moss' sight.

'I still need you to show me the way!' she called back.

Moss followed after Ash and, once he had navigated the trudging herd of stormy faced coms and sales employees (some of which, he guessed had suddenly found themselves unemployed) he came to a halt beside his newest co-worker.

Once the lift was devoid of the last few stragglers, the pair stepped inside. Ash seemed less than eager to press the required button (an effort had been made, at Jen's request, to clean off the grime surrounding the lift buttons for the basement office, but the one in this lift, still held a slimy green tinge). Moss pressed the button for her and they were soon on their way.

'What were you thinking about?' Moss probed suddenly, breaking the silence that had descended around them.

'Sorry?'

'When your mind was wandering. What were you thinking about?'

'Oh that…Not sure I should really say.'

'Why not?'

'It's kind of silly.'

'Silly how?'

'You wouldn't like it?'

'How do you know?'

'It's weird.'

'So?'

'You'll think I'm a weirdo.'

'Ash, look at me.'

'I'm not telling you.'

'Why not?'

'Because…'

'Because what?'

'Moss!'

'Ash!'

'Stop it!'

'Tell me!'

'No.'

'Please?'

'No.'

'Come on…'

'No'

'I won't think you're weird, I promise.'

'I _said_ no.'

'Please?'

'No.'

'Please?'

'No.'

'Please?'

'No!'

'Pleeeaaaassse?'

'Alright!'

Moss jumped at Ash's aggressive acquiesce.

'Just _please…_stop talking.'

He did as instructed and fell silent, taking a moment to study Ash's expression. She seemed frustrated, but most of all fed up. He watched as she heaved a defeated sigh and gave a little shake of her head.

'I was thinking of the best way to kill someone without being caught. You see, I was trying to decide whether Tansy or Arsenic would be best. Both are relatively undetectable, even more so if fed to the victim over a long period of time. And Arsenic is very difficult to detect in chocolate, so that's an easy way to dispense the toxin. I mean, who doesn't like chocolate? But which one would I be able to get hold of easier? Tansy probably…I could always go to one of those poison gardens they sometime have at those 'England's past' houses. Of course, you're not allowed to go in by yourself and then you're being watched constantly. Probably wouldn't even be allowed in if you're not a celebrity…So I'd have to break in after dark. I wonder what the security is like at those places…Hmmn…maybe not so easy, after all. What do you reckon?'

Ash turned to look at Moss as she finished, only to find him clawing at the lift doors, willing them to open. She outstretched a placating hand, but just as she was about to place her palm on his shoulder, the doors swung open and the nerd fell forwards, coming face-to-face with the gritty hallway floor.

'Moss? Are you alright?' She asked, reaching out for him again. She just about managed to brush his elbow when the man flailed suddenly, scrambled to his feet and took off down the corridor.

'Get away from me!' he wailed as he ran towards the safety of the IT Department.

* * *

Jen strode out of her office, brandishing a compact and a tube of 'really too red' lipstick. Her gaze fell on Roy who was reclining in his chair, feet up on his desk, reading a comic book. The red-head felt her heart sink a little to see that Roy had changed back into his usual geeky t-shirt.

_There goes the comic relief for the afternoon_. She groaned inwardly, lifting the lipstick to her mouth.

'Ha…you sheen...'osh?'

Roy looked up suddenly, tilted his head and raised his eyebrows, 'I'm sorry, what?'

Jen rolled her eyes, checked herself one last time in the compact and put the cap on the lipstick.

'I _said_ "Have you seen Moss?"'

'Oh, well it _was_ a bit difficult to understand you there, Jen…' Roy buried his nose in the comic again, ignoring the death glare from the red-headed woman across from him, '…But no, I haven't seen him. Must have gotten a call or something.'

'Thank you for clearing that up for me, Roy. I'd never have worked that out for myself.'

Jen's words were practically dripping sarcasm, but Roy either ignored this or didn't seem to notice and offered a genuine sounding, 'You're welcome.' in response.

The relationship manager rolled her eyes, grasping for a witty remark she could use to put Roy in his place. Eventually she found something.

'Abandoning the whole 'making a good first impression thing', are we?'

This got the Irishman's attention.

'What do you mean by that?' he asked incredulously, relinquishing the comic book to his desk drawer and folding his arms defensively.

'I mean, look at you. You hardly look as if you enjoy working here; you're lounging about, reading comics…and you've changed your shirt again.'

Roy swung his legs off the desk and within a second was standing up, pointing an accusatory finger at Jen.

'But you said to change it! You said it didn't look right!'

'I did, but even _that_ was better than what you're wearing now.'

Roy knew what he was wearing, but he couldn't help himself but to dip his chin. His t-shirt was black and sported carefully placed, iron-on blood splats, along with a decal of a zombiefied hand (detached from the elbow, no less) clawing at a pink and cartoony rendition of a brain. Above this image were a few words, printed in slime green and blood red letters. Roy read the letters upside down:

_Zombies eat brains!_

_(So you're safe.)_

'What's wrong with it?'

'Zombies, Roy? Seriously?' Jen turned away from him with a shake of her head, leaning in to brush a speck of dust from the still unoccupied desk.

'After all,' she continued, brow furrowing as she noticed the absence of the flower card. She bent at the knees and searched the underside of the bureau, 'Nothing says 'welcome' like insulting someone's intelligence through the concept of animate decomposing corpses.'

When she couldn't find the card on the floor, Jen resorted to rifling through the desk drawers, even though something in her gut told her she wouldn't find it there either. As expected, the drawers were empty and before she could put two and two together, a whistle directed her gaze back to Roy.

He was standing with his left arm outstretched above his head. Jen traced the length of Roy's arm with her eyes until they came to rest on the Irishman's pinched forefinger and thumb, between which hung the small stiff-paper rectangle.

Roy waved the card teasingly and employed his best impression of a bond villain (not that he could remember there being any Irish bond villains).

_Were there? I don't know. Haven't watched them films in years. Unlikely though, right? They always cast English guys as villains in films. Can't remember any Irish ones. Oh wait, how abou- No… Damn! I'll have to look it up on IFDB it later._

'Looking for this?' he drawled, finally shaking the tangent from his mind.

Jen rounded the white desk in a flash, closing the distance between herself and Roy within moments.

'Give it back.' She instructed, holding out a hand as if she was a mother talking to a naughty toddler.

Roy cleared his throat, employed a tone of voice an octave or so higher (though it didn't seem to affect his natural lilt).

'_Welcome to the IT Department! Looking forward to working with you! From Jen, Roy and Moss (but, mostly Jen!) Kiss, Kiss.'_

Roy shook his head in disappointment at the woman who was now attempting to reach the card in his grasp, by hopping for it.

'Give it back to me, Roy!'

'That's low, Jen. That's very low.'

'How is it low?' Jen asked, taking a step or two away from Roy in defeat, '_I _bought the flowers and so _I_ can write whatever I like on the card. Besides, I have a greater claim-'

Jen stopped herself, hoping that Roy wouldn't pick up on what she had been about to say. To her dismay, however, his expression told her he had.

'What was that? Were you about to say that you had a 'greater claim' to this woman?'

Jen set her brow. 'Well I do!' she shrieked, 'You don't know what it's like being the only woman down here! It's dull, it's dirty…It's boring! I _need_ someone to talk to…Someone who is interested in shopping and shoes and TV shows.'

'Moss and I are inter-'

'How many times do I have to tell you? Converses are _not _'shoes', the term 'shopping' actually means going to the shops and not just sitting on amazon all afternoon and (I can't stress this enough) proper telly does _not_ consist of some man in telephone box flying around the universe!'

Roy relaxed his stance a little, feeling just a little bit sorry for Jen. Silence fell over them and Roy searched his mind for something to say. He had to find something that was sympathetic, but that didn't make him sound as if he wanted to just go home, eat ice cream and bawl his eyes out at 'City of Angels'.

In the end, all he could manage was, 'Actually, it's not, strictly speaking, a telephone box. I mean it does have a telephone but-'

'I don't care!' Jen shrieked, jumping for the card again.

She managed to reach it, due to Roy's lessened stature, but as she landed, she came down hard on Roy's right foot with her heel.

The tall man crumpled, dropped the card and clutched at his injured foot, hopping on the other and effectively vomiting expletives. Jen ignored her wounded colleague and scrambled for the card, clutching it to her chest as soon as it was in her grasp.

She fought to her feet, losing a shoe in the process and returned the tag (now sporting a diagonal crease through its middle) to its rightful place. She then hobbled over to her shoe and leant against Roy's desk in order to put it back on.

This chaos had occupied their attentions so that they had not heard the lift arriving on their level. Nor had they heard the crashing, shouting or scuttling from the corridor. In fact, they had no idea that anything else was amiss until Moss burst into the office in such a state that he failed to stop when he reached Jen and overbalanced, sending the relationship manager (and himself, of course) hurtling into the hopping Irishman.

The trio became a tangled mess on the floor between the three desks, recovering their senses just in time to turn their collective gaze to the door, through which had just entered a bespectacled woman with short blackish red hair.

'Moss? Is everything alright?' she called, concerned at the din she had just heard. The woman came to a sudden stop a foot or so away from the entangled IT department. She bit her lip and gave an awkward wave.

'Hello!'

* * *

_**And there you have it! Ash has finally reached the basement and, it seems, rather eventfully too! I hope you like this chapter; it has taken me the entire day to write and is the longest one so far. I also think it is probably the funniest, as well (well, I find it funny anyway). It was also the most fun chapter to write so far so I hope you enjoyed reading it. **_

_**Oh and before I forget: Happy New Year Everyone!**_


	6. Intergrating

**Update 4 of 4.**

**Chapter Six: Integrating.**

Ash could not help but to shift a little beneath (or, perhaps more accurately, above) the gaze of the entangled IT department. She took a breath, fixed a smile and held out a palm to the nerd whom she had followed into the basement office.

'Need a hand?' She asked with a nervous laugh, missing the glint of terror in Moss' eyes.

She jumped a little when a smaller, softer hand pressed itself into hers. Instead of Moss, Ash found herself helping a red-headed woman to her feet.

'Thank you very much.' The woman smiled, giving her hand a shake in greeting. 'Welcome to the IT Department. You're our new starter, right?'

Ash gave a small nod and was pleased when the other woman released her hand. The red head made a vague swipe at brushing her now tousled hair back into place with her fingers.

'Is it that obvious?' Ash joked.

The other woman laughed. It was a thick, determinedly soprano giggle that Ash felt didn't quite belong to her.

'My name is Jen.' Began the woman, after she had ceased her pantomime, 'I'm the Relationship Manager and Head of the Department. So, you see, it's my job to know these things.'

There was something of a pained groan behind Jen and the relationship manager gestured in its direction. Ash craned just in time to see Moss and a tall curly haired man right themselves. The man whose name she didn't know seemed to be favouring his right foot and leaning against an untidy metal desk to steady himself.

'This is Roy…'

The curly haired man gave a nod and a half grimace that Ash hoped was supposed to resemble a smile in greeting.

'And I take it you've already met Moss.'

She tried to catch Moss' eye and extend a reassuring smile, but the nerd was too busy hiding behind Roy with his gaze steadily fixed on the floor.

The newcomer returned her focus to Jen, all at once taking in an expectant look in her eyes, 'Oh right, sorry, I'm Ash.' She offered eventually.

'Well Ash, welcome to the IT department!'

'I think you already said that.' The newcomer breathed, hoping that the statement wouldn't be construed as being sarcastic. She was glad when Jen gave another of her laughs and placed a hand between Ash's shoulder blades.

'Right then,' the relationship manager started, leading the new consultant towards her office door, 'I guess all that's left to do then, is to sort out your start of employment paperwork. Please, step into my office.'

Ash and Jen bypassed the white desk with surprising speed. Ash glimpsed the bouquet of flowers and the creased card at its base. She couldn't read much, due to the pace at which Jen hurried her, but she did manage to catch the word '_Welcome'_ and automatically jumped to the conclusion that the white desk was meant to be hers. Her heart skipped a beat; she'd never had her own desk before…

After Jen and the new member of staff had disappeared into the other office, Roy hobbled over to his desk and slumped into his chair. He then proceeded to remove his right shoe and sock and inspect the injury to his foot. An angry red mark greeted him and he heaved an angry sigh.

'You know, they should ban women from wearing weapons on their feet!' he seethed, coaxing his sock and shoe back over the swelling tendons.

'Ash seems alright though, doesn't she?' he engaged.

In truth, he had been a little disappointed at the young woman's arrival. Though not unattractive, Ash was far from the idyllic blonde he had allowed himself to imagine. But, she seemed nice enough personality wise and, hey, even if she knew just a little bit about computers, she was already better than Jen in his books.

It took Roy a few seconds to realise his question had not been answered and his attention flew to Moss' desk. He found the chair unoccupied and soon located his best friend standing in the doorway to the break room, gape transfixed by Jen's office door. Moss seemed not to have heard him and Roy felt his brow furrow.

'What's the matter with you?' He asked when the bespectacled nerd made no effort to answer him.

'Moss?'

There were a few more beats of silence and Roy was about to fight to his feet and investigate further when finally, Moss decided to speak.

'I think…I think Ash might be a serial killer.'

Roy stared incredulously across at Moss, eyebrows raised.

'I'm sorry, what?'

* * *

It soon became obvious to Ash that the whole spiel about the paperwork had just been an excuse to get her to talk about girly things with Jen. She understood, of course; Ash's first ever job had been at a DIY store where most of the staff were men and, even the few that were of the female gender, often didn't last too long or were members of completely different departments and seldom seen. Not that she would consider herself to be overly girly or anything, but sometimes it was nice to have another woman to talk to.

So, she humoured Jen and gave semi-relevant responses as best she could. Ash had been doing well until Jen had mentioned shoes, rising from her desk chair and rounding the bureau. The red head outstretched her right leg and twisted her ankle back and forth so that the unique sheen and patina could be appreciated by her fellow shoe enthusiast.

Ash gave a nod in mock comprehension, subtly sliding her own cheap dolly shoes further under her chair.

'Very nice.' Ash encouraged, figuring it wouldn't hurt to get on Jen's good side, considering she was the head of the department after all. Luckily, Jen did not appear to have noticed the ignorance etched into Ash's features.

'What are they?' Ash asked summoning a mixture of confusion, fear and accusation to Jen's expression. The relationship manager scrutinised the bespectacled woman dubiously and Ash squirmed beneath her gaze.

Ash wracked her brain for something she could use to save herself.

_What was that name? Willow always had shoes…Well of course she had shoes! I meant designer shoes…Damn…what did she call those ones with the stupid bows?_

The answer came to her in a flash of epiphany and she affected an air of certainty, 'Jimmy Choos right?'

Ash's heart sunk a little. The name seemed to have little impact on Jen's expression. She steeled her resolve and tried again, 'Vivienne Westwood? Laura Ashley? Gok Wan? Cesar Milan?'

Ash panicked; she had run out of names. In fact she had run out of them after Vivienne Westwood (she wasn't even one hundred percent sure that Westwood designed shoes) and she was certain that the last guy whose name she had dropped actually made a living training dogs...

She felt herself grimacing as Jen's expression softened and her eyes grew moist. Ash watched horrified as her mouth curled back over her teeth and she sniffed.

'You think…' Jen began, her voice catching in her throat, 'You think my shoes…look like Jimmy Choos?'

The bespectacled woman opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't fathom what she could possibly say to rectify this situation. She didn't even understand what was going on; why would that upset her? Didn't Jimmy Choo make nice shoes? Wasn't he world famous because of his epic shoe designing skills?

_Assuming, of course, that he is a man. Never can tell with these fashion types…_

Then Jen did something Ash had not expected; she drew her into a hug. Ash felt her brow furrow, her back stiffen. She made a vague attempt to pat Jen on the back, but the red head's grip hindered the action. No, all Ash could do was to stare at the wall in front of her until Jen finally pulled away.

'I can't believe my shoes look like Jimmy Choos!' Jen squealed finally releasing the bemused woman, 'You've made my day, Ash! You really have!'

Ash forced a smile, 'You're welcome?' she offered, though this seemed to have been ignored by Jen who was now going on about how they should go shopping at some point. And how Ash could help her pick out some other shoes that looked just like designers but were cheaper and less likely to ruin her feet. Then there was a tangent about a pair of red shoes and a Japanese business man and a stress test and a fire and something about Roy passing out on the floor.

In truth, Ash was lost so she decided the best thing to do would be to try and make a break for it. She rose slowly and crossed to the door, deftly depressing the handle behind her back. Jen was still prattling on when she muttered something about getting back to work and slipped out of the office.

Ash took a breath as the door clicked shut and she pivoted expecting to see Moss and Roy at their respective desks, getting on with their work. Instead, the scene that greeted her was just as confusing as the one she had just left.

Roy and Moss jumped as she entered, turning their collective gaze to her. Moss then moved back behind Roy as if he was scared that Ash might hurt him. Roy on the other hand was regarding her as if she had just grown a second head and she made a conscious effort to not reach up for her hair or face.

Ash took a breath, rolled her eyes and heaved a defeated sigh.

'What now?'

* * *

_**I hope this chapter was ok. Just a bit of a filler really; something to get the guys off the floor and give you something more about Ash. I am probably going to be updating fairly quickly as I have a neat little idea that I want to get to writing as soon as possible (yes benedictcucumberpatch, that is the idea I'm talking about). **_

_**Anyway, I hope you are still enjoying this fic. and as always, thanks in abundance to benedictcucumberpatch and SeraphineWhist for the reviews and support. You guys are epic! Don't let anyone tell you different. **_

_**That's it, I suppose. Best get back to writing Chapter 7!**_


	7. 12 Percent Complete

**Update 4 of 4.**

**Chapter Seven:**

'So just because you said you were thinking about killing someone, doesn't mean that you are actually going to do it.' Moss summarised with an overzealous nod.

Ash and Roy gave a sigh of relief in unison.

The new IT employee felt her shoulders relaxing at Moss' eventual understanding. It had taken her and Roy the best part of the afternoon to get through to him that she had no intention of doing him harm. This process being lengthened considerably by Ash's frequent remarks (in jest) to the contrary. Roy had had to convene a break during which he imparted to his new colleague a brief extract from the 'Moss operating manual', most notably the passage regarding the afro'd nerd's narrow understanding of conventional modes of humour.

Their 'lesson' went a lot smoother after that and, at last, Moss seemed to have grasped the concept and even seemed able to tolerate Ash within his immediate vicinity without squirming, screaming or hiding behind his best friend.

'I get it now.' Moss reiterated in his familiar nasal tone, nodding and grinning like a Cheshire cat. Ash exhausted from the afternoon's efforts, slalomed around the desks and slumped into her own office chair. She allowed her eyes to slide closed as her muscles melted into the supple, ergonomic leather.

'It's like a fantasy.'

Ash tensed again, forced back a grimace. She supposed Moss was right; what she was doing when she thought of stuff like that was imagining an alternate reality, somewhere she had the strength and the means and the fortitude to right the wrongs of the world in the most primal of fashions. But, there was just something about that word that made her feel as if she was wrong, as if she were a criminal or a deviant and that just didn't sit well with her.

However, ultimately fatigued, Ash merely gave a nod and uttered the words, 'I suppose so.'

A silence descended over them and Roy returned to his own desk. He could hear Moss chuckling along to himself and occasionally expressing what a 'giddy goat' or 'ninny' he had been, but his attention was held by the woman across from him.

The monitor on Ash's desk was now placed at an angle to her left, leaving enough space for a clear view from the Irishman's own bureau. This had been something of her own design; it was easier to work at that angle, she said, didn't like being hidden away behind a monitor.

Roy watched her as she slouched, eyes closed in mock unconsciousness. Ash remained like this for a few moments and Roy was beginning to think that she had actually fallen asleep when her blue eyes suddenly snapped open behind their frames at a sudden and unsolicited metallic whistle.

Everyone jumped in the office. Jen even appeared at her door.

'What was that?' Ash asked, gripping the arms of her chair to steady herself.

The gang furrowed their brows and narrowed their eyes, following the noise as a second whistle rang through the basement. Bemusement crossed everyone's features as they found the origin of the sound; an old fashioned steam whistle held pride of place above the office door.

'How long has that been there?' Roy queried rhetorically as he subjected the metallic cylinder to incredulous scrutiny.

Moss looked around him at his colleagues, searching for any clues as to the accepted protocol. When he found none, he tentatively asked, 'Does that mean it's time to go home?'

Jen disappeared into her office, appearing a moment later with her coat and bag, 'See you tomorrow!' she called, sweeping past her co-workers, 'Bye, Ash!'

Ash reciprocated, nevertheless surprised at Jen's eagerness to get home. She gave a yawn and stretched, rising from her seat. She stole a glance over Roy's shoulder, glimpsing the clock and guessing that five thirty did indeed mean the end of the day. She took a chance and reached for her bag, slowly looping it over her shoulder, all the while regarding her two colleagues. She was relieved to see that they too rose from behind their desks and folded themselves into jackets and bag straps.

'Want me to walk with you, Moss?' Roy offered.

His best friend shook his head, 'Nah, mum's picking me up. I've got an appointment to get my haircut.' With this, Moss finished zipping up his quilted jacket and made his way over to the exit. He paused a moment, gave a wave.

'See you tomorrow Roy!'

'Bye Moss.'

'See you tomorrow, Ash!'

'See you tomorrow, Moss!'

Ash found herself smiling as Moss lingered a moment more at the threshold and shook his head, 'You? A murderer? Silly me!'

And with this, the standard nerd swung himself around the door jamb and into the corridor, leaving only Roy and Ash in the basement office.

'Hey, Roy…' the bespectacled woman uttered, breaking the taciturnity that had fallen around them.

Roy, who had been 'tidying' his desk for want of something to do, looked up at his name.

'…thanks for helping out with Moss.'

The Irishman felt the corners of his mouth twitch upwards, 'Ah, no problem. You'll get the hang of talking to him, eventually.'

'How long will that take?' Ash laughed uneasily.

'How long have you got?' Roy countered and the pair shared laughter for a moment or two.

Ash pushed the chair in under her desk and leant against it thoughtfully, 'Well, I think I'll be sticking around for a while yet.' She mused.

_Good_.

The thought had come unbidden to his mind, but he had no time to dwell on the why or the what; Ash was already at the door. Roy rounded his desk and crossed the space between them, coming beside Ash and reaching for the light switch with checked movements.

'May as well share the lift.' He proposed as if this completely explained the speed at which he had reached the door. Ash gave a smile and a nod and the pair traversed the hallway in silence.

When this silence extended to the lift itself, Ash cleared her throat.

'I like your shirt, by the way.'

* * *

_**Terribly sorry about this chapter guys. Another filler one, I'm afraid. Hopefully, the next one will be better. Anyway, hope it was, at least, readable.**_

_**Sorry again! But Thanks for reading! **_


	8. 26 Percent Complete

**Update 4 of 4.**

**Chapter Eight: 26 Percent Complete.**

Ash had woken up bright and early on the Tuesday morning, feeling optimistic about her first full day at Reynholm Industries. However, as the morning went on, she soon realised that perhaps her good mood had been premature.

The first thing that agitated her was the fact that she had been stopped upon entering the building and, although security wouldn't out rightly say it, she figured it was something to do with how she was dressed. In place of the pin striped skirt and smart white shirt she had worn the day before, she wore a pair of black jeans (which she thought looked like bootleg work trousers anyway), a white vest top with lace detail around the neckline and a red and black chequered flannel shirt which she had buttoned to just under her bust. She had completed the outfit with a pair of black converses. The conclusion had been simple to divulge when she had had to dig around in her satchel bag for her company ID card whilst the guards said nothing to the pretty blondes in skirts and heels.

When she was finally allowed onto the premises, Ash made her way to the lift, doing her best to put the incident to the back of her mind and not let it affect her mood. This, however, proved difficult since the other employees with whom she had to share a lift, did not spare her their disapproving scowls nor their disparaging utterances at her expense. She thought she even heard a comment or two about people having been fired whilst she had been newly employed.

Ash arrived at her desk already feeling drained, despite the fact that the work day had only just started. She sat in silence for a few moments in the empty office, her mind steeped in the negativity of her alleged colleagues. Surely, they could see that her being hired whilst other people were being fired was nothing to do with her. It wasn't as if she had said to Denholm 'Yes, I'll come and work for you, but you have to lay off a bunch of people first!'

And as for the security team, yes she understood they had to do their jobs and perhaps her choice in attire had been a bit too casual (even though Roy seemed to get away with just wearing t-shirts and jeans!), but the way the situation had been handled left Ash feeling self-conscious and fragile. Not the way to start a new job at all.

With a defeated sigh, Ash removed her black patterned frames and dug the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. It was at this point that Roy and Moss made an appearance.

'Morning Ash!' Moss chimed, heading for his workspace.

'Morning Moss.' Ash offered, dropping her hands and forcing a bleary-eyed smile.

Moss seemed pleased enough with her response, but Roy on the other hand eyed her dubiously as he reached his work area and shrugged off his jacket.

'What's wrong with you?' he asked, pressing further when the woman across from him merely shook her head, 'Out late last night, celebrating the new job?'

Ash scoffed, 'No, nothing like that…Just people.'

'Which ones?' Moss piped up from behind his desk, genuinely curious.

'All of them.' Ash replied, hoping that this would be construed as a jovial offering and not the misanthropic growl it had sounded like.

'Let me guess,' Roy began, causing Ash to look up at him, 'They stopped you at security because you weren't dressed _appropriately_ and then when you got in the lift you were made to feel about ten inches tall because your new here…'

'How did you know?'

'Security camera footage.' The Irishman stated matter-of-factly, pivoting his monitor to illustrate his point.

Ash slid her glasses back on and was surprised to see the scene playing out before her. The way the sentinels in their navy woollen jumpers accosted her as she attempted to walk past, the smug smiles of the employees that had not been stopped as she dug around in her bag. The footage flickered and switched to the inside of the lift, she could hear the sniggering and sneering as clear and crisp as it was the first time she had heard it. But this time, it was worse. She had fixed her gaze on the floor in the lift, not looking up until it had safely transported her to the basement, but this time round she could see the pointed fingers, the angered, blameful nodding in her direction.

Ash looked away, brought up a blank word document on her computer, wrote a sentence worth of nonsense words, pretended the footage was of no consequence to her.

Roy set his monitor to its original angle and shot his newest colleague a reassuring smile, 'I wouldn't worry about them too much, Ash. They're all bastards.'

He was interrupted suddenly by the phone and he scooped it up instinctively within the first three rings. However, before pressing the handset to his ear he saw fit to reiterate his last point, seemingly uncaring as to whether or not the person on the other end could hear him.

'They're all complete and utter bastards.'

Ash found herself smiling at Roy's review of the employees of Reynholm Industries and, even though she was sure that they couldn't all be that bad, she appreciated this succinct ridicule that backed up what she had experienced first hand.

Ash watched Roy for a further second as he finally brought the receiver to his ear and acknowledged the caller.

'Hello IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?'

This simple question soon turned into a tirade of angry inquiries into the caller's competency and state of intelligence and so Ash returned her focus to her own monitor and brought up the internet browser. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, poised to act, but with no instruction.

_Just typical_, she found herself thinking, _the entire internet at her fingertips and I don't have a clue where to go._

A shadow passed across her desk then and broke her train of thought. She looked up to find Moss standing in the space between the three desks.

'Um…hello?' Ash offered eyeing him dubiously.

The nerd looked suddenly bemused, 'Hello?' he repeated, ushering in a few moments of silence between them. When Ash made no move to say anything else, Moss figured he had best continue.

'So? What do you think?'

The woman behind the desk gave a slight shrug of her shoulders in miscomprehension, before remembering the exchange from the night before.

_Where had he said he was going? The dentist? The opticians? The hairdressers? _

'Oh your hair!' Ash smiled, inspecting the mass of obsidian atop Moss' head. If she had to be honest, she couldn't see what had been done. It looked exactly the same as it did yesterday, but she knew from experience that when people usually ask your opinion, all they really want is to be complimented. There was no way she was going risk upsetting Moss again by accidentally insulting him.

'Looks great!' She gushed, 'Very um…'

_What did you go and do that for? You could have stopped at 'Looks great!' But no, you had to go one step further…Best think of something…Big? Curly? _

'…Bouncy?'

Ash regretted the word immediately. She recovered, scrambled for a new one, 'I meant thick. Um… lots of volume.'

She fell silent, studied Moss' face a moment, relieved when he preened at her clumsy compliment.

'Thanks Ash.' And with this he disappeared into the break room to make himself a mug of hot squash.

By the time her little exchange with Moss had finished, Roy's phone call had ended. The Irishman slammed the receiver onto the cradle and ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

'Alright over there?' Ash pried.

Roy took a breath, 'Not really; some idiot upstairs can't figure out how to plug his mouse in and now Muggins here has to go all the way up to the 11th floor just to show him how to do it.'

'I could go for you, if you like.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah, why not? I haven't got anything else to do and I'd feel guilty if I just sat around doing nothing.'

'Well, that would be great, Ash. Thanks.'

'No problem.'

Ash stood from her chair, dispelled the apprehension at venturing out of the basement and into the throng of people who all appeared to hate her guts and crossed to the door.

'Just remember…' Roy called out as she crossed the threshold, '…they're all bastards!'

'They're all bastards!' She called back, a smile crossing her face.

Ash then returned her attention forwards and came face to face with Jen.

'Oh sorry. Morning Jen.'

'Morning.' The red head reciprocated with a frown, watching the short haired woman stride determinedly down the hallway towards the lift.

* * *

Ash froze as she reached the 11th floor office. The problem computer was obvious; its owner was perched on the edge of his desk, arms folded, shoulders hunched over. He looked agitated, but it wasn't until he turned to face her did her heart sink. His eyebrows were knitted together in a low frown which, if it sunk any further, could easily cover his dark soulless orbs. Ash recognised the expression almost immediately; the owner of the 'broken' computer was none other than the scowling man she had glimpsed the day before.

Swallowing back the lump of fear in her throat, Ash approached the man. She attempted a friendly smile, hoping that this would somehow dissolve his scowl. When it did not, the bespectacled woman leant across, taking the mouse in her right hand.

'What seems to be the problem here?' She asked, careful to keep the tremor from her voice. The scowling man rose and one side of his eyebrow twitched as if it wanted to sink lower, but the muscles forbade it.

'Who are you?'

'My name is Ashlynn. I'm with IT.' Ash answered, bristling at the disregard for her own query. She tried to ignore the itch of the man's gaze on her and turned her focus to the problem at hand. Ash wiggled the mouse and, when the pointer remained fixed on the screen, located the correct wire. Unfortunately, the cable disappeared through a purpose cut hole in the desk.

'No you're not.'

Ash gave the wire a tug, surprised when it did not come free. The scowling man met her gaze as she pushed away from the pine veneered bureau.

'You can't be from IT.' The man tried again, obviously perturbed that she hadn't heard his last statement.

Ash ignored him a second time, knelt beneath the desk, located the wire.

The scowling man set his brow, 'You're a girl.' He stated in a tone somewhere between disbelief and derision.

Ash bristled, fought to her feet, reached behind her, located the pen pot on the work surface.

'Firstly…' she started, closing her fingers around the handle of the tool she needed, '…I am not a _girl_; I am a woman.'

She brought the hand from behind her in an instant, watching with satisfaction as the man's scowl surrendered to fear. Ash stood a moment, enjoying the position of power as she pointed the blades of large metal pair of scissors at the man's torso.

'And secondly…'

Ash knelt again, located the problem, gave the plastic secure a snip and returned to stand, squaring up to the man.

'…I've just solved your problem.'

The bespectacled woman stepped aside, folded her arms, nodded to the mouse.

'Go ahead, give it a try.'

The man sidestepped Ash dubiously, wary of the scissors still in her grasp. He gave the mouse a short shove with his fingertips. The pointer shot across the screen.

'You have a slight break in the wire.' Ash deduced matter-of-factly, 'Most likely happened because someone secured the cable tie too tightly. You're lucky that more wires weren't damaged in the process.'

The man's scowl was slowly returning to his countenance and his nostrils were beginning to flare. Everything in Ash's body was screaming at her to run, to retreat to the safety of the basement, but she couldn't help herself. She was on a roll and this was too delicious, putting such a disagreeable man in his place.

'Now, what I've done there doesn't fix the break, but it does mean the wire will be less hindered and move the cursor more often than it doesn't. I'll have a new mouse sent up this afternoon.'

She finished with a smug smile and waited a few seconds for the man to offer an expression of gratitude. When he did not, she merely rolled her eyes, pushed the scissors and the broken cable tie into his palms and then pivoted in the direction of the lift.

'You're welcome!' Ash called back over her shoulder as she walked away, oblivious to the collective incredulous gape of her colleagues of the 11th floor.

* * *

**_Ok so here's Chapter 8. This started out as something different but Ash had her own ideas and it went a different way. This was a fun one to write so I hope you enjoy it. It is also the first chapter I am publishing as a 25 year old. Not that that should influence your decision to leave a review or not, you know, it's only a birthday *ahem*. _**

**_Anyway, Thanks again to SeraphineWhist and benedictcucumberpatch, as always, thank you for your reviews and support, you guys keep me writing this and it would be a lot harder without you. So thanks and thanks again._**

**_Also, thank you to Alex for your review. That's exactly the type of fic I was looking for and so, when I couldn't find one, I decided to write my own. I'm glad you're liking it so far and thank you for your kind words. I only hope I don't disappoint you with the upcoming chapters._**

**_Glad you enjoyed reading this though. See you guys next chapter! _**


	9. 33 Percent Complete

**Update 4 of 4**

**Chapter Nine: 33 Percent Complete.**

Roy's brow furrowed as Ash stormed into the basement office and sank into her chair. The woman seemed to be engrossed in some sort of heated inward debate and avoided his gaze, choosing instead to glower at her computer screen. It did occur to Roy that perhaps Ash didn't want to elaborate on the events that caused her current mood, but in the end, his curiosity got the better of him. After all, it had been a boring half hour or so since Moss had been called up to another job and Jen had barricaded herself in her office with the latest issue of 'Heat' under the pretence of planning for a meeting.

'So, it didn't go well then?'

Ash looked up, remained silent.

'The job on eleven?' The Irishman coaxed, thinking maybe that Ash hadn't heard him.

The woman at the opposite desk straightened, lean forwards.

'The job went fine; got up there, fixed the problem…received little – or more accurately _no_ – gratitude for my efforts. Not that I was expecting that anyway….'

Ash paused a moment, standing from her chair and gesturing to the corridor.

'No, _my issue_ is the fact that I was stopped by security _again_. I mean seriously, I know it's only my second day, but can't they just make the effort to remember my face?'

Roy found himself aiming a knowing smile at the woman opposite, 'What did you do?'

'I…er...had to go with them and they gave me a verbal warning and-'

'No, I meant what did you do to make them stop you?'

Ash shifted beneath his gaze, dropped her arm to her desk and scratched gently at a non-existent mark with her right thumbnail.

'Nothing.'

'Come on, they may be bastards, but they wouldn't even bother leaving the foyer unless someone called them. What did you do?'

The bespectacled woman shook her head in defeat, 'Fine. I'll tell you, but first…' She let her voice trail off before she rounded her desk, passed Roy and peered round the door frame into the break room.

'Is Moss around?' She asked eventually, watching as Roy gave a shake of his head.

'No. Why?'

Ash stopped her investigation and leant against the absent nerd's desk, arms folded.

'Don't exactly want him hearing this…after all the trouble we had yesterday.'

Roy narrowed his eyes in scrutiny, even more intrigued by this avowal. He subconsciously mimicked Ash and folded his arms, leaning back in his chair.

'Come on, then. What did you do?'

Ash grimaced, 'I may have…accidentally...threatened a man…with a pair of scissors…'

'Sorry?' Roy queried, a smile twitching on his lips, 'You threatened a man with a pair of scissors. No wait; _Accidentally_ threatened him.'

'Well…I was only waving the scissors round to illustrate a point…more like gesturing, I suppose. I didn't actually hold the blades to his throat and tell him to stop being an arse. Which, by the way, he would have deserved.'

'What who would have deserved?'

Jen's voice entered the common office area, followed by the red headed relationship manager.

'Oh, nothing.' Ash answered before Roy could, silently imploring him to remain quiet on the matter.

Unluckily for her, the Irishman was bored.

'Ash just got herself into some trouble with security.' He offered, receiving a murderous glare from his newest colleague.

'Oh really?' Jen asked, turning to Ash with empathy etched into her features, 'Was it because you're new?'

Roy opened his mouth to speak, but was stopped with a swift and discreet kick to his shin. Ash shot him an expression of mock reprimand and beat him to it, 'Yeah, I don't think they recognise me yet. Only my second day, you know, so can't really blame them.' Ash paused a moment, glanced down to Roy who was now clutching his shin with both hands. 'Right Roy?' she pried.

The Irishman looked up at her with watering eyes, gave a pained shake of his head, 'Yup...That's right.'

Jen turned her back on them a moment whilst she disentangled her coat from the rack.

Ash smiled smugly to Roy and mouthed the words, 'Thank you.'

Roy responded with a sarcastic smile and a silent, 'You're welcome.'

'Ash?' Jen began, folding herself into her long coat and threading the handle of her bag over her shoulder.

'Yes Jen?'

'I have to go into town to run some errands and I thought, as relationship manager, it would be a good idea for me to get to know you better. Do you want to come with me? We could run errands, get our nails done, do some shopping?'

Ash deliberated for a moment, but in the end gave a nod, affected by Jen's expectant eyes and kindly smile. Besides, if the day was going to continue on in its current downward spiral, she would much rather be elsewhere.

'Sounds great.'

'Brilliant!' beamed Jen.

The relationship manager followed Ash with her gaze as the bespectacled woman grabbed her bag and slipped her own jacket on.

'You're alright covering for us until we get back, right Roy?' Jen asked, walking with Ash to the door.

Roy frowned, finally releasing his shin, 'Well I-'

'Great! See you later!' The red-head called from somewhere beyond the doorway.

Ash did not follow right away and, instead, paused a moment on the threshold. She gave Roy a wave and a shrug that she hoped would look at least a little apologetic and rounded the frame, falling into step behind Jen.

* * *

Jen didn't even need to go back to Reynholm Industries to know that Roy and Moss would already have gone home. It had aready gone half five by the time she realised that she needed their help and Jen knew she wasn't going to make it back to work before it completely shut up for the night. In fact, from her vantage point in the food court of one shopping centre she had been able to watch the monolithic building darken steadily from top to bottom. Her heart had sunk further as each floor succumbed to the dusk, as if it were some dreadful countdown in a movie.

Knowing that all hope was lost without her fellow IT colleagues, she once again broke her cardinal rule of contact outside of the workplace and called Roy as soon as Ash had left her to go home.

'Roy? Roy! It's Jen. I- Yes, hello. And hello to you too, Moss…Yes, well I was about to explain that before you interrupted me! I need your help…Tonight. Right away…Meet me at my place….As soon as you can…See you then. Bye…Bye Moss.'

Even despite her phone call, Jen was surprised to find the two nerds on her doorstep a mere hour later. She had been pacing the living room when her doorbell rang and so was at the portal in moments, greeting a bewildered Moss and a dubiously concerned Roy.

'What's going on, Jen?' Roy asked once he and Moss had been seated on the sofa, 'You need us to connect up your printer or something?'

'Nothing like tha-'

'Did you want us to show you how to defragment your laptop?' Moss offered, sharing a mocking smile with his best friend at Jen's expense.

'No Moss, I-'

'You dropped the plug in some tizer?' Roy scoffed.

'No, I-'

'Spilled nail varnish on your keyboard?' Moss sniggered.

'No!' Jen bellowed, putting an abrupt stop to their taunting, 'Would you just shut up and listen for a moment? Please?'

The two standard nerds gave synchronic obedient nods and waited in silence for Jen to continue.

'Right. Thank you.' The red head took a breath, placed a hand to her forehead, 'I need your help.'

'You already said that part.' Moss interjected, genuinely trying to be helpful. However, this was not appreciated and Jen silenced him with a pointed glare. Moss' gaze found the carpet sheepishly.

Jen began again, affecting a solemn air all of a sudden, 'It's Ash…'

Concern and intrigue crossed the eyes of her colleagues. They stared at her with furrowed brows and open mouths, taking the split second decision to ignore her previous instruction to be quiet. The living room erupted with enquiries as to the wellbeing of their newest member of their team.

Jen raised both her hands to quell the chaos and, eventually, Moss and Roy fell silent, ready to listen for any hint that Ash was, in fact, still alive and well.

'She's fine. She's fine.' Jen placated, looking suddenly wounded and angry, 'Really loving the concern by the way, guys; I call you up saying that _I_ need help and all you can do is point out my lack of computer skills. But when I say it's something to do with Ash, you do everything short of sending out search and rescue. So, thanks for that.'

The red-head paused, hoping that the statement would have earned her at least a little apology. When none came she put it down to her colleagues' social ineptness and shook her head in defeat.

'Anyway, whilst I was out shopping earlier, I discovered…well, I found out that…'

'Yes?' Roy coaxed.

'That she's…'

Moss leaned forwards in his seat, 'That she's what, Jen?'

The off-duty relationship manager closed her eyes and placed a hand on her stomach as if to steady herself.

'I found out that Ash is a…a geek!'

* * *

**_Dun, Dun, Dun! What a revelation, huh? Well, maybe not. I'm sure it was clear to some of you that she was already a bit of a nerd. I know this sounds like a silly thing to fixate on at this point, but all will become clear, I promise. _**

**_Anyway, I hope it wasn't too bad a chapter. I had a bit of an issue with some of the content. I was originally hoping to write a bit about when Jen and Ash are in the shopping centre, but it just didn't work. _**

**_Thanks again go to benedictcucumberpatch, SeraphineWhist and Alex for reviewing. Reviews from you guys always make me smile. :) And thank you for the birthday wishes, as well._**

**_Oh, and three points to anyone who can pick out the Black Books reference hidden in that chapter. I couldn't help myself; I have just re-watched that series so it was fresh in my mind. I think you could also say there's a Big Bang Theory reference in there too, but I am unsure as to the correct lines, so I may be thinking of something completely different._**

**_Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you next chapter (The big 10 :D)_**


	10. 42 Percent Complete

**Update 4 of 4**

**Chapter Ten: 42% Complete.**

Jen waited expectantly for Moss and Roy to say something. They had been silent for a good few seconds, merely staring at her with furrowed brows and grimaces.

'Well?' She pressed abruptly, growing tired of the incredulous silence.

'Well what?' Came Moss' reply, though this was not the sarcasm soaked statement Jen had expected.

Jen shook her head in disbelief. To her, the motive behind her bringing them here was obvious; she needed help. Her experience with geeks and nerds was limited to her interactions with Roy and Moss and she had never encountered a female one before.

'_Well_…What do I do about it?'

Roy heaved a sigh, rose from his seat with a shake of his head. He made a move towards the door, beckoned for Moss to follow. He did and within seconds they were both stood in the entrance hall, Roy's hand closing around the handle to the front door.

'Wait!' came Jen's frantic cry from behind them, 'You still haven't told me what to do!'

Roy and Moss were now in the corridor beyond Jen's flat. The Irishman had meant to ignore the relationship manager's somewhat insulting request, but something in him jarred and he turned back to her, moving Moss gently to the side of the hallway.

'I'll tell you what to do, Jen.' Roy offered, a tone of mock reprimand in his voice, 'You do nothing.'

He caught Jen frowning at this obviously disappointing revelation. Roy rolled his eyes and continued.

'You go to work, you interact with Ash as normal and you treat her like a human being. It shouldn't matter whether she's a geek or not and, quite frankly, I'm surprised at you, Jen.'

'So surprised!' interjected Moss, acting out the word 'surprised' by placing his palms on his cheeks and dropping his jaw. Roy fought the urge to smile a little after catching Moss' pantomime in his peripherals

Nevertheless deterred, he continued.

'You call us here-'

Moss mimed a telephone call.

'-after work-'

The afro'd nerd typed at an invisible keyboard.

'-just to address a problem-'

Moss placed a hand to his chin, turned his gaze to the ceiling and frowned as if deep in thought.

'-that shouldn't be a problem at all!'

The bespectacled nerd waggled a finger at Jen in the universal sign for 'No'.

'Shame on you, Jen.' Roy turned, leaving this poignant parting in his wake. He walked a few paces down the corridor, before a thought crossed his mind and he pivoted, almost knocking his best friend over in the process.

'Just out of interest, though…What made you realise Ash was a geek, anyway?'

Jen gave a shrug of her shoulders, 'She dragged me into sex.'

Roy and Moss shared a dubious glance and Roy employed his usual failsafe question, 'I'm sorry, what?'

'You know, sex…the shop…they buy and sell games and dvds and stuff like that. At least, I think they do. I wasn't really paying attention. The shop across the street had a gorgeous dress in the window and I-'

Jen stopped herself at the sound of sniggering from the two standard nerds in her vicinity.

'What's so funny?'

'You are, you dizzy dope!' Moss laughed, pointing an accusatory finger at the bemused red-head, 'It's C-E-X!'

Jen raised an eyebrow in miscomprehension, 'What?'

Roy took it upon himself to educate the relationship manager then, 'The shop. It's not pronounced _sex_…It's C-E-X.'

Jen waited for Moss and Roy to stop sniggering, but after almost a minute, they were still laughing at her. She decided that she hadn't the time nor the patience for their ridicule and slammed shut the apartment door, without a further word.

Roy and Moss made their way out of the building, still giggling at Jen's mistake.

* * *

The rest of the week passed rather uneventfully in the basement office. Although, in all honesty, Jen didn't really know what was happening on the other side of her office door; she was ashamed to say it, but she had spent the remainder of the week coming up with various excuses that would allow her to remain behind her desk. She felt guilty at avoiding Ash, of course she did, but at the same time Jen couldn't help feeling cheated.

When she found out that there was going to be another woman working with them in IT, Jen had been ecstatic, filling her head with the prospect of shopping trips and spa days. However, the revelation that Ash was a nerd dispelled these thoughts and replaced them with Doctor Who marathons and sci-fi conventions. Jen couldn't help but shudder.

After re-drafting the same email three times over (after all, one couldn't afford spelling mistakes or grammatical errors when querying what Julie on fifth had eaten for lunch) Jen clicked 'send' and slumped forwards onto her desk with a frustrated sigh.

That was it. That was the last thing on her made up 'to do' list and that meant there was nothing else for it, but to brave the common office and try to find something to talk to Ash about that wasn't going to make either of them feel stupid.

'What's the matter, Jen?'

The question made her jump and her head snapped up to find Richmond standing on the opposite side of her desk. A startled yelp escaped her lips before she could stop it, but once she realised it was only their resident Goth, she calmed herself. Jen then shifted her gaze to the office door, wondering how she hadn't heard it open or close.

'Nothing.' She lied, shaking her head, 'Nothing I can do anything about anyway.'

'I've just met our new co-worker.' Richmond stated, obviously electing to ignore Jen's last statement and lowering himself gracefully into the available seat, 'She seems nice.'

The red head gave a slow and thoughtful nod, 'Yeah, she is, isn't she? I mean, is it just me, Richmond? Is there something wrong with me?'

The Goth creased his brow and leant back in his chair somewhat apprehensively, 'What do you mean, Jen?'

'Should I just resign myself to the fact that you have to be a nerd to work down here? Should I just start watching what they watch?'

She paused to give a half-hearted wave at the door, 'Should I start shopping online and playing videogames and basically living my life as if I never want to leave the house again? I know; I'll discuss the continuity errors in the latest films in online chat rooms, drowning in a sea of red bull and frosties straight from the box! I'll-'

Jen had somehow ended up on her feet, gesturing wildly as she spoke. She stopped herself mid-sentence, however, when caught sight of the cowering Goth on the other side of her bureau.

'Oh Richmond, Richmond. I'm sorry.' She placated, rounding the desk and moving to stand behind him, placing both hands on his shoulders. She took a breath, feeling Richmond relax somewhat beneath her palms.

'I just feel like I'm all alone down here.' Jen sighed.

Richmond shrugged beneath her fingertips, 'I wouldn't worry about it too much, Jen. After all, there's nothing that says you have to be a geek to work down here. I mean look at me.'

And Jen did look. Richmond was not a nerd or a geek. He didn't wear t-shirts that tried to be clever or glasses or converses or plaid shirts and ties. His hair was the sleek, smooth testament to his morning routine that easily took two hours to complete. He wore make-up and lots of it, applying layer after layer to achieve the desired pallor. His attire was black, black and more black, with the occasional burgundy shirt and milky contact lens thrown in. No, there was no way that he was a nerd.

'Say that again.' Jen coaxed, staring distantly at the wall before her with a twitching eye that denoted deep and scheming thoughts.

Richmond shrugged, having already forgotten the exact words he had used. He attempted a summary instead, 'I'm not a geek and I work down here.'

The words floated like music to Jen's ears, helped she was sure by the resident Goth's smooth, well-spoken tone.

'Yes you do, don't you?' Jen breathed, a wide smile crossing her lips.

* * *

After the original IT department's impromptu out of work meeting, Roy and Moss had found Jen's revelation to be sound. Ash was, in fact, a geek and, although Roy had been unable to relate to her 'fan girlish' obsession with David Tennant and Moss had been unable to win the argument regarding the fate of the mutant, Toad, at the end of the '_X Men' _movie, they felt that the exposure of Ash's little secret wasn't as cataclysmic as Jen made out.

Their various debates and discussions also helped to distract Ash from worrying. Their new colleague had spent the day after the shopping trip quiet and subdued, all owing to Jen's apparent aversion to her, succeeding the discovery. Ash had spent all day worrying if she had said or done anything to upset the red-head.

Only after Moss' casual query as to what she had bought from CEX, did she finally put two and two together. Jen had obviously spoken to Roy and Moss about their little venture and, in that, lay the relationship manager's problem. It took her only a few seconds to work out why Jen would fixate on that particular shop and, even though she felt a little wounded by the red-head's newly adopted disinterest, Ash figured it was a matter of 'each to their own'.

If Jen didn't want to talk to her just because she didn't watch the sentimental drivel that was the genre of romantic comedy. Fine.

If Jen didn't want to interact with her because Ash would rather stay in and play '_Oblivion_' than go out for drinks. Fine.

She would just have to find someone else to talk to. Ash had Moss and Roy. Who did Jen have?

The office had erupted once more following Ash's first meeting of Richmond, who had ventured from beyond the Red Door to get supplies. Ash had rather awkwardly mentioned where the term Goth actually came from and Richmond had been left wondering how his choice of clothing was anything to do with a conquering East-Germanic people who were apparently instrumental in the fall of the Roman Empire.

Nevertheless, he had found Ash to be a polite and interesting young woman who did not even flinch at his mention of his favourite band. She had also suggested another band for him to listen to and even offered to lend him a CD once she could dig it out at home.

Ash had then had to deal with the dubious expressions of Moss and Roy whilst Richmond crossed to Jen's office.

The room fell suddenly silent as the door to Jen's office swung open and the relationship manager swept past them. Her only explanation, a hurried, 'Can't talk. Must speak to Denholm.'

* * *

_**So here we are; Chapter Ten. I can't believe I am already Ten Chapters in and I haven't given up yet. I still have the motivation to write this fic and that is, in no small part, due to those of you who have reviewed or favourited or are following this fic. Namely, benedictcucumberpatch, SeraphineWhist, Alex, Moriartylives and xxSeaPandaxx. You guys rock! Thank you so much for your support, I wouldn't have gotten this far if it weren't for you.**_

_**Also, just thought I should clarify the CEX thing in this chapter. I have always pronounced it C-E-X and everyone else I know pronounces it that way too. That said, I am aware that sometimes people pronounce it Sex or even Kex. In order to include the (possibly rather unfunny) joke I have used my own pronunciation and I can't help but feel as if Roy and Moss would pronounce it that way too. Sorry if I have offended you with this. I just included the joke on a whim in the hope that someone might find it, at least, a little funny. **_

_**Anyway, I think that's it. I hope you enjoyed reading that chapter and I hope to have 11 up for you soon.**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	11. Error Encountered

**Update 4 of 4**

**Chapter Eleven: Error Encountered.**

Jen located Denholm on the 33rd floor, encircled by a small group of men and women in black and grey suits. They were all standing at one end of a corridor that easily ran the entire length of the building. The group brandished note pads and regarded the CEO expectantly as he straightened his tie and set his sights at the far end of the hallway. Confused, but keen to discuss a solution to her Ash problem, Jen approached the moustachioed man.

'Mr Reynholm.' She greeted with a smile.

'Ah! Jen! You're just in time!'

'For what?'

'I'm about to powerwalk down this corridor while my employees here, shout their work related issues at me, allowing me to deal with them instinctively and efficiently. Care to join?'

Jen raised an eyebrow, surveyed the small group and shook her head.

'Actually, Mr. Reynholm I think it would be better if I discussed my issue with you privately. It's just quite a…long winded problem.'

Jen shifted beneath the exasperated glares of the assembled suits. It was obvious that they didn't want to be there and had probably already tried the whole 'let's-sit-down-and-discuss-things-properly' approach.

'Nonsense, Jen!' Denholm laughed, raising his elbows and bending his knees slightly, 'You can go first! And, if it takes the whole length of the corridor to discuss it, we can call that the trial run and go again!'

A collective groan arose from the tiny crowd around the CEO, but he was too focused on his destination to react to it.

'Ready?'

Jen bustled to Denholm's side, inwardly taking stock of the shoes she was wearing; they were her most comfortable pair with a decent heel width and cushioned soles. She was thankful she had chosen those and not the pointed toes with the stiletto heel.

Denholm dipped his shoulders a little, tensed his muscles, leaned forwards.

'Go!'

Denholm was off. Jen faltered, almost causing a grey suit pile up behind her. She gathered her senses quickly enough though and trotted to keep up with Denholm.

'I don't hear any talking, Jen!' Denholm reminded twelve steps down the corridor.

Jen gave a nod, though she wasn't sure if Denholm had seen, 'Yes, right…Your war on sexism?'

'What about it?'

'I think you made a mistake.'

'Ha!' Denholm glanced sideways, eyebrow raised, one side of his mouth turning upwards, 'I don't make mistakes.'

The red head scrambled for a recovery, 'No, of course not…What I meant was that there were actually four employees in the IT department originally.'

'Hmn?'

'Yes; Myself, Roy, Moss and, of course, Richmond.'

'Richmond.' Denholm repeated, his focus clouding over. The Goth. The Funeral. The CD. His Mother. Of course…Richmond. How had he forgotten?

Jen, oblivious to Reynholm's inward train of thought, gave a nod, 'Yes, Richmond. Now, as I'm sure you are aware, that makes a ratio of three men to one woman. Even with our new employee, Ash, that's still a ratio of three men to two women. Luckily, I have an idea of how to solve the probl-'

'Say no more, Jen!' Denholm halted suddenly. Jen carried on for a few more steps until she realised that the CEO wasn't beside her. She pivoted to face him, excitement in her features.

The relationship manager was so anxious to hear what Denholm was going to say next, that she didn't even notice the chaotic tangled of polyester and notepads that had suddenly occurred on the carpet squares below, in her wake.

'I know how to fix this problem.' Denholm concluded triumphantly.

Jen sighed in relief, 'I'm glad you feel the same way. Should I start interviewing, right away?'

'Interviewing, Jen? Don't be ridiculous. No, the easiest way to solve this problem is to just get rid of Richmond.'

Jen's heart sunk and landed hard in the pit of her stomach.

'No…No…Mr Reynholm. That's not what I had in mind, at all.' The red head whined.

Reynholm wasn't listening. Instead, he began walking on the spot, focus turning from Jen to the end of the corridor.

'Tell that Goth he can have one week to get sorted, but he is out of here by next Friday.'

Jen opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Denholm as he resumed his powerwalk, 'I'm glad we had this little chat, Jen. Ta ra!'

Jen could do nothing but stare after the CEO of Reynholm Industries, disbelievingly. She was jostled to the side of the walk way as the monochromatic throng righted themselves and fell into step behind the changeable man, but she couldn't muster an insult or a stern look.

A sickly feeling came over her and she leant on the wall to steady herself. That hadn't gone to plan, at all. Jen had meant to implore Denholm to hire another woman and, ideally, allow her to conduct the interview herself. That way, she could make sure that she (or the IT department) didn't end up with yet another geek.

Instead, she had only succeeded in getting Richmond fired.

Once the sickly feeling had subsided a little, Jen looked up to gage if she might be able to rectify the situation, but one glance told her that would be impossible. The group had erupted with frantic avowals of various problems ranging from the quality of soap in the washrooms to concerns about the company accounts. Jen realised there was very little chance of being heard over that din, especially since the issue (in Reynholm's mind, at least) had already been dealt with.

Maybe she could sneak back up to see Denholm when he was back in his office and not surrounded by notepad wielding lackeys. Maybe then, she might get him to change his mind and reinstate Richmond's job.

However, even Jen recognised the slim chance of this happening, given the history between Reynholm and Richmond.

And so, for want of anything better to do, Jen returned to the basement and hid herself away in her office again, ignoring the questions posed by her co-workers as she passed.

* * *

_**Ok so this is quite a short chapter, but in the interest of accurate chapter headings, this scene really needed to stand on its own. The next Chapter (tentatively entitled: Possible Solution Found.) should be up fairly quickly since I don't see my brain letting me rest much until it is written.**_

_**Anyway, thanks once again to those of you who have reviewed recently (including benedictcucumberpatch, who I am certain would have left a review if she was not currently on a plane) namely xxSeaPandaxx, SeraphineWhist and Alex. You guys are gonna get bored of me thanking you, I'm sure. lol**_

_**Anyway, I hope it wasn't too bad a chapter and things are hopefully going to get more interesting from here on out. Thanks for reading! See you next Chapter!**_


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